Precious Golden Summer Rays Of Beauty


Hello Readers!  Well, it is a sunny summer day, (or it was the night before this was posted) and I thought I would talk a bit about the whole idea of motivating yourself when you may be suffering from voices or depression.  The photo above is from a recent trip to Jasper I took with my brother and Dad, I had quite a good time (if you scroll down a couple of entries you can watch the waterfall video I made on that trip).  I have been discussing something quite a bit lately though about mental illness and how people can be motivated.  I live in a group home and quite often a situation comes up where the staff has to try and motivate us to do something, be it going to an activity, turning off the TV or doing our assigned chores.  A long time ago the lady who runs the place realized that I am just bull headed enough to throw a monkey wrench into her machinery if anyone tries to bark orders at me.  I suppose also there might be an element that I am one of the success stories to come out of this group home, I entered it in a poor state more than 15 years ago and have managed to build up a pretty good life for myself and have done a good deal of writing for and about the group home.  So when someone wants me to do something and I refuse, they refer it right to the boss who has a talk with me and things get worked out.  I have been learning though that people with schizophrenia can often have a very hard time dealing with what is going on in their heads and doing anything that causes them stress can be quite harmful.  So really I guess I want to write this to family members and other loved ones or caregivers of people with mental health issues.  Personally, I think I have certain traits of schizophrenia but most of them seem to be fairly well controlled with medications.  I can think of times when I didn’t want to do anything but lay down and sleep, I literally could stay upright for very long even when I went to my Dad’s place.  Even in the mini van he would pick me up in I would climb in the back, put a blanket over my head and sleep on the way to visiting him and my mom.  I think perhaps one of the factors of that was that I was having a very hard time keeping a normal schedule.  I would often stay up all night listening to the radio, typing on the computer, watching movies and of course drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes.  When the day came and if I happened to not fall asleep between the time of my Dad calling me and picking me up, I would be in a poor state.  Here’s where some more praise comes about the group home: they have a rule that I must see my Doctor and pick up my medications at supper time and do some chores.  At first this seemed pre-school simple, but in fact just that little amount of things to get done got me to establish something of a schedule.  Then, after quitting smoking I was able to get a free pass for the pool and would go early in the morning on a regular basis.  These two things were all the groundwork I needed, and soon I was volunteering, working a paying job at times and doing much much better than I was.  That was what worked for me.  One of the things that I think was the biggest motivator was driving through the river valley here in Edmonton one summer day and seeing a very attractive young woman jogging through the park.  I thought to myself that I would never get an awesome looking athletic girlfriend like her, I also thought that I was missing out on a lot of fun I could be having out of doors at this time of year.  Now I have added bike riding and bird watching to my hobbies and I no longer feel regret.  As far as my friends with schizophrenia, I can’t say what I think is best, I simply have to say in this case I am not a Doctor.  What I do know that I have been learning is that the actual physical makeup of the brain of a person with schizophrenia is different from a so-called ‘normal’ brain.  This something that will need an awful lot of care, an awful lot of hard work to get the afflicted person to a state of reasonable mental and physical health, and hopefully a state of relative independence perhaps in a place like the group home I live in.  A woman that I give presentations with was saying that her son’s Doctor had said that she shouldn’t nag him, shouldn’t force him to do anything, just let him sleep if he wants to sleep or eat if he wants to eat, she should try and not expect anything from him while he is going through his struggles.  I think this would be an extremely hard thing to do, but honestly, I have seen people who were determined and properly medicated go on to do things as complex as becoming Medical Doctors and then going on to get a specialty, in two cases that I know of in Psychiatry.  I also had watched a documentary about a young girl who was diagnosed early in life, I think around age six or so with schizophrenia and was very ill for quite a while but by age eleven had friends, good grades, and seemed almost 100% normal.  There is no guarantee of this though, my own time suffering with Bipolar went on for years.  I honestly thought nothing would keep me out of going into the hospital for months at a time at least once a year, and some of the staff at the hospital thought even less of me.  Then some years after my last visit, now 14 years ago, I returned to the hospital as a published author and really surprised some people.  But I didn’t show major signs of improvement until I was almost 30, nearly my whole life before that was a train wreck.  Anyhow dear readers, please send any questions or comments my way, and don’t forget to scroll past today’s second photo to read a poem I wrote about the different forms of love and their meaning.  Always here to chat!


Full Moon Poem


Life can be crazy, life can be fun

It can be so wild if you find the one

A love that makes living life so very worthwhile

A lover who feeds your soul and makes you smile


For a short time I had the girl of my dreams

Life was so good then, or so it seemed

We talked about kids, we talked about moving away

She made me feel like I really had something to say


But it all went away way too fast

I would have done anything to make it last

Soon I needed to hide from all the pain

I never wanted to live through all that again


I stayed at home and read all my books

Rarely went out and got a lot of weird looks

So much time passed and I missed my shot

At a number of girls who were kind of hot


Then I started to write all about my life

And how much I wished I had my own wife

But so many things still stood in my way

I didn’t realize things would get better one day


My girl broke my heart but she stayed my friend

At first I loved her too much, didn’t want to pretend

That she could just talk and joke around

Keeping me on the side making me feel like a clown


Then as time passed I found out what it meant

To have a close companion who really was heaven sent

We would meet up or talk just about every day

And as this went on I wanted it no other way


I got a bit older and learned I wanted friends more than lovers

Too much pain and emotion gets brought out from under covers

I do know one day I will somehow find that special one

And all my lonesome days will finally be done


I just need to wait and I need to make sure

This new found love is no game, that our love is pure

And then I can share nature’s gift with that special one

In hopes that some day we will have a daughter or son


There is no longer a point in running around

It’s a joke to play the fool, act like some hound

People like that never find what they seek

They just keep on trying to prove that they aren’t weak


What they don’t know is they will pay a price

Real love is about giving, it’s about sacrifice

They miss out on having a lover who is also a friend

Someone by your side through to the very end


It means so much to let love blossom and grow

Something all those players will never know

It is so much more to share a long happy life

With someone you love enough to have as your husband or wife

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