This is a photo from a park on 97th street in Edmonton near downtown that is dedicated to the sufferring of the homeless. This is the only park where outside drinking is allowed and is a short walk from where I live
Hello Dear Readers! Well, today is going to be an interesting one, I have a lot of feelings about this topic. Have any of you had a hard time, say you just got out of the hospital and you feel you are adjusting to your meds and you have been told not to work? Or maybe you have been sick for some time and you have gotten out of shape or your illness doesn’t allow you much room for stress? I know of a number of people with schizophrenia who hear voices so badly despite their medications that a job seems impossible, but there are two huge problems associated with unemployment: what do you do for money and what do you do with your time? I knew a guy who was so worked up about the way working people looked at him that he would tell them bald faced lies. I recall him telling his Dad that he had a full-time job when I knew he didn’t and it turned out he meant his full time job was protesting the cuts to welfare payments. Here is another part of the stigma surrounding an illness, people who are ill are seen as lazy or as leeches on the rest of society. Sometimes all of the stigma surrounding mental illness can get so bad that the person experiencing it can turn to alcohol and drugs as I did for a short time when I was younger. This puts a huge strain on family members and the person with the illness and is a drain on limited finances as well.
So, I have outlined some of the problems but haven’t offered any solutions. I do like to try and offer solutions, but I also like to try and put in a disclaimer that your Psychiatrist is your boss, what he or she says you should do is the end of it, and hopefully you have enough health care insurance to have a nurse or support worker you can talk to about more of this. These people are the experts, they have the access to resources in your local area that can help you. I know in Edmonton there is a place called DECSA, which helps the disabled find work, but I want to just throw in my opinion. I also want people to keep in mind that my experience relates to what I have been through, which is to be diagnosed at different times with schizophrenia and other times with Bipolar Disorder/manic depression. The first and most important thing above everything is to stay off drugs and alcohol and take your meds. For me getting off alcohol was a huge priority for the first year after I stopped drinking. I was attending often up to two alcohol abuse meetings a day and I would often walk long distances to these places, summer and winter. But the cool thing was that eventually I got my life back and could focus on other things. These meetings kept me busy and made me feel like I was doing something, and when I felt more comfortable with the new drug and alcohol free me, I started to take on more. One of the first things I did was to cultivate a love of swimming that I once had. It meant so much to me to get up before anyone else, walk out to take the bus, read a book or newspaper on the bus and then go to the pool where I eventually made a lot of good friends that I would see each day and talk to in the hot tub or sauna and it really felt good. After a while I made friends with a lifeguard and she was taking pre-med in University and helped me do a lot to train myself up to a healthy level. All this wasn’t a job, but it was something that gave me activity to do, got me out and meeting people, and it made the time I had to spend between disability pension benefits a lot easier to handle for many reasons. Then, when it was time to work a difficult and taxing job, I was strong enough and had enough endurance to handle what was put before me. For a time I made pretty good money and felt really good about myself. This was one of the peaks of my life and I feel that a lot of people can do the same who have mental illnesses or even are off the employment grid for an extended period of time. Work your way up slowly, address all the isssues that area barier to employment, get yourself fit and ready to work and possibly volunteer, then put out a few resumes and who knows how far you can go? There is more to it though, and it is definitely not a simple thing for a lot of people, but I have always been a believer in baby steps. One small thing each day towards a goal, and as my readers may know, I am a firm believer in written, clear, distinct goals that one can work towards.
Anyhow, when you get all that together and you do find employment, it is important to have savings for a lot of reasons, but factor in a part of your savings for a trip. Myself when I first got back to work after my most recent stay in the Psychiatric Hospital, I saved up and then asked my sister to pay half and bought a ticket to Toronto where I had never been. I had the most awesome vacation, going to see Niagara Falls, the CN Tower and all kinds of cool places. In the past 10 years now I have been to Toronto, Vancouver, Victoria, Calgary, Northern British Columbia, Northern Alberta and beautiful Hawaii. All just a small step at a time, and all of this is from someone who thought he would spend the rest of his life in a tiny room doomed to keep making the same mistakes and ending up in the hospital for them. There is hope, there is always hope!
Below is a poem I wrote for today’s blog. It isn’t exactly relevant and it is a style I haven’t used before, but I hope all of you will enjoy it.
That Which We Lost We Never Knew
Do we lose it all at once?
Our grown up souls
Crying, reaching to get through
When, I beg, I pray to really know
When does it all come apart
Sweet virginity just couldn’t be
It just seems to not be it
Is it in
A lie you know will be cutting to the bone
A lie given to
A loved one you once thought you could never hurt
But past innocence
Their feelings matter not
Though we don’t know how
Lost among the breeze
But do we gain
When we lose our innocence
Sometimes it seems
The loss gives us the upper hand
A little edge
On all who came before
A way to stay
And older, wiser soul
Then there is that one
That one, that very special one
That person whom we all must know
Who has our love
And holds in their hands our self esteem
Who never lost
That which we cherished once
It flew away among the wind
Was never really ours
August 15, 2015